Beautiful Mess Inside

Is diz so-called update???The bla-bla-ing dat im gonna poured out here???!!!I dunno,everything seems pointless and im feeling numb rite now..Have u ever been felt dat everything is too far, far away for ur reach,datz not even one thing u wish,u hope to happen,do come true???I used to make fun of those emos,tot dey were silly wif their 'so so emotionally' feelings over something dat we so-called L.I.F.E..But here i am,being all emos for the same reasons..
Talking how unfair diz world were,well,it is and will owez be...There's a day when i felt such a strong,tough gal,dat will and owez can overcome the obstacles in front of me and at the end of the day,i would scream my victory,but there's many days,many times dat i would felt how idiot i am,wat a failure i am,how silly i was to fight for wat i believe was the right thing,all by maself..
Im tired and i really2 mean it..Im tired wif everyone,those around me,im tired wif everything..I hate to admit diz,but im sick to pretend datz nothing happen,im sick to pretend dat 'it'll be ok', 'it'll all get better in time'..I hate to do those things but i juz have to..I've been trying to stop pretending all diz tym,but i cant,and itz like a disease i cannot cured..Past is past, and it hurt me so much but yet im still living in it..I tried to run away many times,but i'll end up keep coming back to the past after half-way..Dun tell me dat your life isnt about pretending too coz u might not realised about it dat urs actually is all or half about PRETENDING also..Take a deep breath and u will see and understand wat im talking about...
To take care of other people's feelings,we would lie and not tell dem the truth..To proved to everyone dat there's no need to worry about,we decided to kept all the worries to ourselves instead..To showed everyone dat u're a strong,tough gal,u'll owez smile and laugh and wouldnt ever show ur tears in front of dem...Im dat type of person,itz not easy for me to show my feelings in front of those people and i never trust dem coz i never dare to...
Call me silly,call me stupid,call me stubborn????Go on, im used to called maself dat since i learnt wat life is...If only i can be free,like those eagles,fly to the sky,peacefully...

Song of the day

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye..

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye..